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Frequently Asked Questions & Answers
Version 1.3, 17 June 2004
This is the letter that I gave to my bosses at work and also posted in the logbook for everyone in my department to read. There are over 60 people in my department, so I really couldn't tell them all individually. In addition, I told a few people in other departments and gave a copy of this to a few other people. A few journal entries made over the prior month regarding this transition are here.
Hi, this is Devon. I wanted to let you know that I'm making a change - I'm going to be a girl. Over the next few weeks, you'll probably notice (if you care to look) that my appearance is getting more feminine. This is on purpose.
I'd like your help and consideration in this change, please - try to start referring to me as 'she' and 'her' whenever you can remember. I promise not to get angry if you forget or make a mistake, so please don't worry about it. Thank you.
Q: I thought you were already a girl.
A: In that case, nevermind. Carry on as usual.
Q: Weren't you a girl before?
A: Yes, I was. I was a girl for about 30 years, when I made
the change to live as a guy. I spent just over 5 years as a
guy, and I'm ready to change back.
Q: What should I call you?
A: You can call me either Devon or Deirdre. Deirdre has two
Rs - it sounds like Dear-Drah. Some people may find it easier
to call me Deirdre in order to differentiate from my old role
as a guy. That's just fine. You may use whichever name you
prefer. edit: I'm switching to Deirdre for the most part. If
you forget and call me Devon, that's still okay, but I'd like
to change over to Deirdre whenever possible. Thanks.
Q: What bathroom will you use? A: For now, I'm trying to use the single-occupancy bathrooms when they are available. That means the unisex/family bathroom downstairs and the bathroom upstairs. Soon I'll begin using the women's room in the front of the store, since most customers see me as female and not male. In order to give employees some time to get used to the idea, I'll avoid using the men's and women's rooms in the back of the store.
Q: What's that about the customers?
A: In the past, about half my customers have referred to me
'she'. Since I began growing out my hair, that number has
risen to almost all of them. I can't tell with everyone, but
I've been trying to notice when I can.
Q: What if a customer refers to you as a guy? What if I refer
to you as a guy?
A: No big deal. I'd prefer that customers not be corrected -
it's just easier that way. If you catch yourself making a
mistake, I won't mind if you correct yourself or not. If it
persists more than a month or so, I may start gently reminding
you. I will not be angry, unless you are trying to be abusive
to me.
Q: What about your nametag?
A: I'm not changing it right away. If it seems like a lot of
people want to call me Deirdre, I'll change it to help them
remember. edit: I changed my nametag to Deirdre.
Q: What about your [name of body part]?
A: It's not polite to ask about body parts you can't see,
whether the person is transgendered or not.
Q: What about feminism? Gender politics? Political correctness?
A: Politics of all kinds bore me to tears. I can recite
various feminist doctrines attacking my gender transitions,
but really, what's the point?
Q: You were kinda gay before - what are you now?
A: I'm still bisexual. It's not a secret, but it does come up
in conversation now and then. I usually date guys, whether
I'm a guy or a girl.
Q: This seems like a huge change. Aren't you worried?
A: It's not really that big of a change for me. Most of my
day-to-day life remains the same. I always tell people that
changing my gender affects my life much less than having a
baby would. Maybe I'll wear more jewelry or slightly different
clothes, but it's not going to be traumatic.
Q: This seems sudden and/or whimsical. Why didn't you tell us before?
A: I've been thinking about this for quite a long time. It
seems sudden to you because I didn't say anything until I was
certain. Sorry about that. I know it will take some people a
while to adapt, and that's fine. Both changes have involved a
lot of thought and preparation on my part. Some recent journal
entries made over the prior month regarding this transition
are here.
Q: Whom can I talk to about this?
A: Anyone. If you want more detailed answers, feel free to
ask me or anyone you think might know. You'll probably get
more accurate answers by asking
me directly, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of
gossip. I've discussed this change with store leadership, so
you can really ask whoever makes you most comfortable.
A few journal entries made over the prior month regarding this transition are here.
Copyright by the author, June 2004.
You are here: www.lisalees.com/trans/out
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