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This was written at the time I went full-time as Jennifer, and does not reflect my current status as post-op.
There have been a number of very positive changes in my life over the last couple of years that now make it necessary for me to discuss something with you. I have a medical condition that I have been working to correct called Gender Dysphoria. This is otherwise referred to as being a transsexual.
Why am I telling you this? Several reasons, actually. First, my legal name is now Jennifer O. Yes, really. Second, with few exceptions, I live as a woman and I need to be the one to tell you about this not someone else, and I don't want you to find out by accident. Third, some physical changes have occurred and will continue to occur and be more obvious over time. And fourth, it sucks not to be myself in all aspects of my life.
I have been seeing a well-respected, experienced gender therapist for several years, and have been under the care of one of the best MDs in the field of hormone replacement for over a year. If things go as planned I will have surgery later this year, and have already began to get things in order for that eventuality.
I'm following an internationally recognized set of standards for getting a sex change operation, which is the only cure for this condition. The standards are a series of regulations and hoops I have to jump through, and it's designed to weed out anyone who is not a good candidate for surgery and make sure that the person is able to live and function in their new role. These standards require me to live fulltime as a woman, including at my job, prior to surgery.
I've always known I was gender-gifted, ever since I was very small. It's just the way I am, and I make no apologies for being this way. I cannot change this fact about me any more than I can change the fact that I'm tall and left handed, or you can change the fact that you believe yourself to be your apparent gender. I like who I am, and I know I am a better person for being this way.
The biggest problem with transsexuality is not transsexuality itself, it's the misinformation and misconceptions out there and the attitudes that are driven by that.
Gender Dysphoria is a medical condition and is not a psychological disorder. It is also not a disease, it is not cross-dressing or a fetish or a perversion of any kind. Cross-dressing is about fantasy, and transsexuality is about reality. It is also not what you see on Springer, and it's nothing anyone did to me, or the result of life experiences. This condition has existed throughout human history, and exists in every culture in the world without exception.
So, why am I this way? It has to do with how the brain is structured, and I've been this way since before I was born. Research on Male-to-Female transsexual brains has shown physical structures in the brain that are the same as natal females, but measurably different than non-TS males. Non-TS males, whether they are gay or straight, were consistently the same as each other.
Recent research has shown that there is a genetic difference in the brains of Male-to-Female (MTF) transsexuals, three genes in particular, and that this may cause testosterone insensitivity in the brain.
All of this research points to a direct physical difference that is unchangeable, and an immutable fact.
Researchers believe that the brain is wired for gender in about the 14th week of development when a flood of testosterone washes over the fetus. If the amount and/or timing of the hormones is wrong, then the baby's mind and body may develop in different directions. Approximately one in twenty thousand people are born this way. Interestingly, MTF TS' tend to be tall, left-handed and in technology fields. Hmmm.
Although being TS is not a choice, what you do about it is. There are three options:
Surgery isn't for everyone, but my doctors and I believe that it is the correct route for me. It's certainly a lot better than option #1 or #2. No true transsexual has yet been persuaded, bullied, drugged, analyzed, shamed, ridiculed, or electrically shocked into acceptance of his or her physique. No therapeutic approaches have ever improved this condition, and surgery is the only cure.
As I mentioned, I live as a woman, and I have done so for some time now without any problems. I am well accepted in this role by men and women alike, and there are many people that know me only as Jennifer. Most of my family and many of my friends have known about this situation for several years, and all have been very accepting and supportive. I am very lucky in this respect.
As far as changes you may see in me, my gender presentation is now female and will remain that way. My name is legally no longer 'John', so please do not use that name. 'Jen' will suffice, but 'Jennifer' is better. Female pronouns are appropriate, but we'll take that a day at a time for the moment. I fully appreciate how difficult this is for others to get used to, and to make this mental shift. As inevitable mistakes are made I will gently remind people.
This is a personal, private matter, and I ask that you only discuss this with people that knew me before as 'John', and also if they need to know for some reason. I've struggled hard to live now as Jennifer, and not as "she used to be a?" Thanks.
I'm very open and honest about this and I am perfectly willing to answer any serious questions anyone might have about this phenomenon, within reason of course. Feel free to ask. It's taken me 37 years to get to this point in my life, this level of understanding and self acceptance, so I don't expect everyone to understand or be comfortable with it immediately. Gender is so deeply ingrained into our existence that it's difficult for anyone that isn't transsexual to get the concept, I believe. That's also what makes it important for me, and tens of thousands like me, to make this adjustment. Those of you who will make the effort to understand and be accepting, I'll tell you now that it is greatly appreciated.
In summary, I like who I am and the direction I'm going, and I no longer suffer like I used to. I have a good quality of life, and I feel completing this process can only have a positive impact on me and all aspects of my life.
Thank You,
Jennifer O.
Copyright by the author.
You are here: www.lisalees.com/trans/out
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