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At the time of my transition I worked in a very email intensive environment (Michigan State University) and was very visible on the 'net. These are snippets of positive email I received during the year or so following my transition. I received a lot of support when I 'came out', and have continued to receive support and acceptance. This it the up side to being out; people know they can say nice things to you. Each paragraph below is from a different person. I did minor editing for grammar and spelling and to preserve anonymity.
Thank you for sharing this personal information. I realize that this must be a difficult time for you and your family. I will do whatever pssible to make you feel comfortable in the work environment. Sometimes, our society is not willing to consider this situation seriously. I sincerely hope that in your case, things will go smoothly. I am happy to know that your family is providing you the much needed support.
I can not pretend that I understand what you have gone through over these years. I do understand and support your decision to make the change to be truthful to yourself and your loved ones. We all try to seek who we are and try to be ourselves no matter which category we belong to or are classified into (by others). In this very human sense, you are a perfectly normal person! I admire what you have done and are still doing: face the questions and answers in terms of who you are, what you need, and how to build a truthful and happy life for yourself. I felt happy for you while I was reading the more detailed information you put on your home page, especially your description about the morning of April 27th when you legally changed your name. I felt with you the disappearance of the heavy clouds and the falling off of tons of bricks from your back: for the first time, you were there as the one you have always been and sensed the basic internal peace in yourself (something we have taken as granted and do not even appreciate anymore!). I wish you continuously find yourself and the internal peace. Many friends and colleagues will be there for you when you need. Please do not hesitate to ask for help if you need me in any situation. You have been and will always be a highly respected professional in the minds of the people who used to or still work with you. Even more importantly, you have been and will always be a highly respected person. If some people will use appearance or gender to judge a person, it is their problem but not yours!
WOW!!!! I'm awake now ... that's what I thought this morning ... then I thought should I write back with congratulations, words of support or just wait until I actually have something to say? I have nothing to say ... it seems I should ... I don't. You have always had my respect ... now I believe you can add my awe...how amazingly courageous.
I admire your courage to publicly announce what you're going through. You are probably correct in saying that we can not truly understand what you're doing, but I wanted to let you know that I am glad you are happy. It may take a little adjustment on my part, but I would like to think that I won't treat you any differently now than I did before. It sounds rather trite to say that I support you (I don't know that there's anything I can do to make things easier), but I wish you well and hope that your work environment and relationships remain pleasant. P.S. I'm not worried about the 'bathroom thing'. There's hardly ever any women in there anyway! :-)
Congratulations on publicly joining the ranks of the superior gender! *grin* You did a great job on the letter, it was humorous and logical. Then again, what else could one expect from a computer person? I found your web page fascinating, thanks for taking the time to type up all of that information and make it available. I wish you the best of luck, both with the people around here and the complicated process you are undertaking. Much happiness to you! Oh, don't worry about using the restrooms; I wouldn't care if a guy did, so I certainly won't care if you do.
This will take a little while to get used to, and you are right I can't relate, but I don't feel that I need to say anything except that you are still my friend.
Thanks very much for including me in the list for your rather amazing announcement. You get lots of points for bravery here -- for undertaking a personal change that will stretch the understanding of most people (it certainly stretches mine), and for being willing to go public so candidly. You also get lots of points for eloquence and clarity. (But then you've always been good with this.) Between your message and your web page, it's quite a compelling story.
I just read your home page and I felt the need to respond immediately. I barely know you - I have seen you at meetings - but I think you deserve all the support you can get. I first noticed the 'disappearing' of ____ Lees when I started seeing system messages by Lisa Lees. I didn't really make the connection (aren't we all too busy with ourselves?). Until today - I said to myself - let's check what's this all about - and then I saw the explanation on your home page. Let me tell you first - I am what's considered to be a 'normal' man maybe even a very well pronounced specimen. But I think, that doesn't prevent me from being able to understand you. I cannot feel exactly what you feel but I have other qualities (I believe) that allow me to understand (even feel) what other people do. And that SHOULD be true for everybody - I don't think the essence of our souls is that different.
I just wanted to take the time to tell you personally that I appreciate the postings you do. I get a lot out of them and others have expressed the same thing to me.
Your web page has been the single most valuable source of information for me. There are plenty of places where I could get clinical information, but you have brought it down to such a personal level that it makes it so much more relevant. It's only been within the last week that I've admitted to anyone my lifelong desire to be a woman and that was safely online. Should my current situation change, so that I could pursue what I want instead of being the nurturer for so many, I will definitely make preparations for the change. Thank you so much for your page. I've copied it all on my hard disk and will come back to it regularly to check for new things.
> Then Paul said: Lisa, I just have to say that I think
> > you are damn cool!
> >
> I second that emotion.
>
> Maggi
>
Ditto -- Dara
I did not understand transgendered issues at all before you subscribed to the list ... Now I am completely AWARE of your issue and stance ... I am uncapable of being able to completely understand what is like to be transgendered however I am able to relate it to my own issues about coming out ... therefore I can relate yet not fully understand ... After you expressed your feelings and knowledge on the subject to all the readers, you basically let the issue resolve itself, which is good ... I am glad that you do however continue to post relevant material on trans issues that are going on in the surrounding area and country ... that is important.
I decided this morning to send you a personal post simply to say thank you. [...] I am a tad flustered and I don't think I have expressed here everything that I am feeling, but I did wish most of all to thank you for really opening up my eyes and my understanding about transgender and transexual issues.
Hi, I was searching the web for information regarding the name change process and ran across your story. I want to thank you for publishing that. It was so useful and informative. It was actually the only relevant information I found on the web, yet it was probably the most *helpful* thing I could have read. I have been contemplating this for a couple years and earnestly trying to find information for the last ... probably 10 months. I couldn't find enough information anywhere to even get me started, but hearing all the details from someone who went through the entire process was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
B forwarded a copy of the letter you have submitted to the State News [in response to J's letter about adding the 'transgendered' choice to male/female on the Residence Life opinion survey]. Thanks for caring enough, and having the courage, to share this with the rest of us. One of the reasons I stay attached to higher education, and therefore to MSU, is that I know I have so much more to learn - and the responsibility here to continue to help others learn. Your 'opinion' piece has been done nicely in that it allows us to personalize (rather than intellectualize) how we became female or male. As a staff member, I have been encouraged to see the response to J's letter. J's letter has provided a 'teachable moment' for the entire University community; your response will move us forward. I feel fortunate that you and I are part of the same community here, and the same faith and parent (I'm D's mom) community at St. John's.
Thanks a lot for your story in today's State News. You have enriched my life and I really appreciate that. Thanks! You must think I may be a lunatic, but, my whole thought is that transgendered people have a very hard time finding people who will support them. People who they can identify with, who aren't afraid to work with someone who is transgendered, etc., where is the support? Gay community? Not really. Straight community? Not really. So, that was my reason for writing to you in the first place, just to let you know that there are people out there who aren't afraid of you, who would like to work with you, who find you a great asset to have around, not because of what you look like, but because of what you can share with us. Once again, that is what makes you and your story so beneficial.
You did a great job with the panel in the Union; I am also appreciative of your willingness to talk with the MSU community through the State News, at the panel, and other places. I learned a lot, and really appreciate your openness.
I just wanted to thank you, and your co-panelists, for a really fine and enlightening presentation. Such presentations cannot be easy to do but they are surely necessary for promoting understanding, and, of course, empathy. I admire your courage and determination--and your postings!
Thanks for posting what you felt about S/HE. I loved it too, and have told some people about it, and am so glad to hear how much you liked it. The panel yesterday was great!! All of you were wonderful beyond words! Thank you to all on the panel; I hope you will convey this to those who are not on this email list. The more I hear and absorb about gender, the less firm or clear are the old definitions I used to think I knew and understood. When my certainties dissolve, I'm learning. My awareness of the presentation of self as expression of an inner sense of identity is not so much unconscious and for the most part unexamined, as I must admit it was a few weeks ago. Leslie Feinberg, Kate Bornstein, Lisa Lees, and the other fine panelists are scrambling and transforming my perception of 'reality', which is a great gift! Getting a degree is a (perilous) route to economic survival, but education happens at events like yesterday's!
Thank you for advertising your Transgender Panel Discussion (part of Pride Week '96). As a TG FtM who does not live on campus, I am mostly 'in the closet', to everyone but myself. Until recently, I've not sensed much opportunity to explore precisely what my transgender status means, in the larger context of 'everyday life'.
I've been on this list for a while now reading your stuff, and recently attended the panel on Thursday. I wanted to thank you for being part of and sharing in such a great panel. I hope it was as educational to everyone who attended as it was for me. I'm sure it has sparked discussion outside of the panel, as well. I know that eight of my coworkers and I discussed it over lunch break on Friday, and I was able to help clear up some misconceptions based on things that I have learned this year about transgendered issues.
The few negative emails I received were comments to the effect that the sender just didn't understand, or felt a loss of the person they had known. All of those people with whom I had face-to-face contact became at least reasonably accepting.
There were people who avoided me, but most of them reached the point over the years of smiling back when I smiled at them. That's fine. Politeness is something we should be able to expect in the workplace, even among people who have deep disagreements on a personal level.
Personal communications copyright by Lisa Lees.
You are here: www.lisalees.com/trans/out
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