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Dear Lisa,
On September 19, 2000 I came out at work and started my 'Real Life Test'. I have to report that my employer and my coworkers were extremely supportive both on a personal and professional level.
Your Transition Letter Archive web page was extremely useful in helping me write my transition letter. Attached you'll find a copy of it for you to post on your web page. I hope it's helpful to someone out there.
Sincerely,
Myriam
myriam at bidyke.com
Dear Colleagues,
I'm writing this letter to inform you of an important change that's currently taking place in my life. It's not easy to explain, but I'm going to try. I hope that no matter what your reaction is, you'll take the time to read this letter entirely.
I have a birth defect. I was born in the wrong body. My physical sex does not match my mental gender. In other words, I'm transsexual. It's something that took me years to understand and accept. But luckily, medical help is available.
About a year ago, I started seeking medical help. As a result, I've been undergoing a number of treatments. I'm in the process of having what's commonly referred to as a 'sex change'. Why, you ask? Because it's the only way I'll be comfortable in my body.
Being transsexual has nothing to do with being homosexual. It's not about whom you prefer to be intimate with. It's a medical condition. It's about feeling that you're in the wrong body, and desperately needing to change it in order to be at peace with yourself.
The reason that I'm telling you about this 'transition' now is that I've recently started the process of legally changing my name. I've also reached a point where it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to keep this change personal.
For almost a year now I've been living two lives. Here at [company] I'm known as [former name], but to my friends, my family and almost everywhere else, I'm a woman known as Myriam. Clearly, I can't continue to do this forever.
Furthermore, my body is slowly changing because of the treatments I'm receiving. Maybe some of you have noticed. This is going to continue for the next several months and become more obvious, so I'd rather be honest about it.
So what, you wonder? Well after my name is legally changed, sometime next month, I intend to live as a woman everywhere and that includes [company]. This may require some adjustments on your part, so I think it's important that you know what to expect.
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM ME?
Overall, you can expect things to remain pretty much the same as they're now, besides the new name and gender. I really like working here at [company], and I'm committed to continue doing a great job and being a part of a great team. I'll try my best to minimize any disruptions caused by my transition on my work and on the team.
For those of you who may be genuinely curious about what I'm doing, I'll make myself available to answer in person or by e-mail any honest questions you may have. I've talked to [office manager], and if you're uncomfortable asking me questions directly, she's agreed to pass them along to me anonymously then return my answers to you.
I've included a list of web sites containing helpful information at the end of this letter. I hope you'll take the time to visit some of them. I've also given [office emanager] my copy of the book Transsexual Workers for you to borrow. It contains useful information about transsexual people and the process of transition in the workplace.
I'll be taking some time off from October 2 to October 6 to give you a chance to process all the information in this letter. When I return to work on October 9, I'll be doing so as Myriam.
Since I dress in a neutral kind of way, you probably have not noticed that I've been wearing women's clothes at work for the past several months. I'll continue to dress pretty much the same way as I do now, but from time to time I'll be wearing more typically feminine clothes.
I intend on using the women's bathroom everywhere I go, and that includes [company]. I don't expect this to be a problem, but if you're uncomfortable with it, let me know and I'll find another solution that's acceptable to both you and me. After my name is legally changed, I'll be getting new ID indicating that I'm a woman, to prevent any confusion.
WHAT DO I EXPECT FROM YOU?
I don't expect you to understand or approve of my decision to change gender. However, I expect you to respect and accept this decision. I'm not interested in engaging in futile arguments if you strongly disapprove of what I'm doing, particularly in work time.
Since I'm legally changing my first name from [former name] to Myriam, it's courteous to now refer to me by that name. It's also courteous to now refer to me as 'she' rather than 'he'. I won't get upset because of genuine mistakes, as I'm quite aware of how difficult this can be, but I'd appreciate if you make an effort.
I've talked to [director], and [company] fully supports my decision to change gender and in doing so, shows its commitment to provide the best work environment for all employees and to embrace diversity in the workplace. I'll be getting new business cards printed, my e-mail address changed and phone listing updated to reflect my new name.
Beyond that, there's no need to treat me differently. I'm still the same person, and I hope you'll continue to relate to me like you do now. I expect you to introduce me to others as Myriam, but while I'm open about being transsexual, it's not courteous for you to tell others. It's not a secret, but it's my job to tell people if I feel it's important.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
My body's been slowly changing because I'm having electrolysis and taking hormones. You can expect this to continue for the next several months. Then in a couple of years, I'll probably have sex reassignment surgery.
Since the effect of hormones is powerful and irreversible, physicians don't prescribe them unless you see a therapist for at least 3 months to confirm that you are transsexual. Furthermore, in order to have sex reassignment surgery, you have to be seeing a therapist, taking hormones and successfully living in the new gender for at least a year.
I see my therapist every month at The Centre for Sexuality, Gender Identity & Reproductive Health, which is part of Vancouver General Hospital. I also so see my family physician every other month or so.
Every Tuesday morning I have electrolysis to remove my facial hair. It's a slow and painful micro surgical procedure that permanently removes hair, one at a time. As a result, I often have marks on my face, and on Monday I have to let my facial hair grow. I've been having 2 hours of electrolysis a week since last November, and I'm about halfway done.
Hormones have a powerful but welcome effect on both the body and the mind. My entire body is becoming a lot more feminine. I've been growing breasts for a few months now. My skin is getting softer and my body hair is receding. Furthermore, I'm generally feeling a lot calmer and happier than before.
I've been taking hormones since last November, and a stronger dosage since June. It takes a couple of years for the full potential of hormones to be realized. However, voice is not affected, and requires practice to be changed.
FINAL WORD
Being transsexual is not a choice. The only known remedy is to change gender. It's an unusual medical condition, but it's more common than most people think. Chances are, you've already met other transsexual people without even knowing it.
In the end, I hope that once you process the information in this letter, you'll come to realize that what I'm doing is really not such a big deal after all.
Sincerely,
Myriam / [former name]
September 20, 2000
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